After his daughter decided to elope, dad went ahead and spent the $35,000 he had saved for her wedding. Instead of giving the money to his daughter, dad spent it on himself, showering himself with a luxury experience. His daughter was outraged that she had not been given some of the money as a wedding present – because his daughter thought he was an “a**hole” dad turned to Reddit to see if she was right.

Dad wrote:

“My only child ‘Diana’ and her now-husband started dating in college and had been engaged just before the pandemic hit. After not being able to really plan for over a year due to everything, they decided a couple of weeks ago to just take a trip with the two of them and elope. I’m very happy for them, and honestly, I’m glad not to have to deal with the stress of wedding planning.

“I had 35k about set aside for her wedding in an account I’ve had for a long time. After she told me the news, I was thrilled to be able to put it to other use. My car has been having some trouble lately, so I decided to just treat myself and get a new car in cash with the wedding fund. I paid about 30k, and with the rest of the money, my wife and I decided we would take our own little getaway. I didn’t think this was controversial.

“Then this past weekend, Diana was over and asked if, since I didn’t have to pay for a big wedding if they could get the money to use towards a down payment. I told her sorry, but that’s how I paid for my new car and will be paying for my upcoming trip. To say she was upset is an understatement. I figured I’d just let her cool off but then last night by ex (her mom) called me too, telling me I made a selfish move and said some more things I won’t repeat. I never told her it was a wedding or whatever she wanted to fund, so I didn’t think I did anything wrong. I would really appreciate some non-biased perspectives.

“Edit: sorry if I worded this poorly. I’m not the best writer. I’m a blue-collar guy. She knew that I had money put aside for her wedding. It was something we talked about when she first got engaged over a year ago, but it has come up at times before that too. Just something I planned for due to having a daughter. I never told her it was a fund for her to use on whatever. I paid for her college and planned on paying for her wedding, but beyond that didn’t plan on paying her way through life.

“My parents didn’t/couldn’t help me out financially much in life, so my goal was to pay for her schooling and wedding so she could start adulthood on the right foot. I felt like I accomplished that. We are far from wealthy, I did not go to college, but I always did my best to save and be responsible with money so I could help her start off the right way. I never expected to be paying her way through life. Maybe it’s a dated traditional mindset, but I always believed after your kids officially start their own family, your job as a provider has been accomplished, and it is their turn to provide for themselves. Now it’s my time to put myself and my own finances #1. I had her very young (19) and still have a lot of working years left until retirement, hence the need for a reliable car.

“Final response. This blew up way more than expected overnight. A lot of people have inserted their own assumptions out of nowhere (“promises” that never happened, the tension between stepmother, riches I don’t have, an obsession with her getting married even though I said I was relieved she eloped, etc.) which is odd…basically what I’ve gathered from the vast majority is that I didn’t do anything “wrong,” but I should have communicated more clearly. I thought that I was crystal clear, but I see now that I could have been even more clear. Thank you, everyone, for your time.”

Do you think dad was right to spend the money on himself?

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